Carabao Energy Drink

Ethnicity: Thai

Ingredients:
Water, sucrose, citric acid, taurine, artificial flavors, caffeine, inositol, sodium benzoate, nicotinamide, dexpanthanol, vitamin B6, FD&C Yellow No. 5, ethyl maltol, FD&C red No. 40, vitamin B12.

Appearance:
Let's let this picture of the liquid speak for itself:



The can has three skulls on it, which is kind of alarming considering the warnings on the side regarding pregnant or nursing women or those with heart conditions.

Taste:
Bad, but not particularly strong. There's a distinct flavor of apple juice, sweet tarts and cough syrup.

Manufacturing Process:
We don't want to know.

Final Thoughts:

Sawyer: "It's easy to forget how much carbonation can mask a terrible flavoring job. Then you drink Carabao and wish you were never born."

Jordan: "If you drink it fast without tasting it, the experience isn't that unpleasant."

Colin: "The can looks nice."

Ratings (out of 10)
Jordan: 2.05
Sawyer: 1.6
Colin: 2.23
Average: 1.96

Jarritos Fresa

Ethnicity: Latin American, Specifically Mexican

Ingredients:
Carbonated Water, Sugar, Citric Acid, Artificial Flavor, Sodium Benzoate, Red 40.

Appearance:
Ruby Red, bottle design is uninspiring. Smell was strongly of artificial strawberry or cough syrup.

Taste:
Aggressive carbonation and rather sweet. The strawberry taste was clearly artificial and not terribly strong. There was no aftertaste to speak of.

Manufacturing Process:
Make a new soda and then realize at the last minute you've forgotten to flavor it and throw in half a strawberry starburst.

Final Thoughts:
Guest comment by roommate Sarah: "It was ok...(voice trails off, soft, melancholy laugh)"

Sawyer: "Who can rationalize the laws of soft drink production? Sometimes Jarritos gets it right, sometimes they leave me scratching my head. The strawberry flavor is absent in a significant way; the color and bottle presentation do not compensate. The carbonation is enough to bubble two bottles! Perhaps strawberry isn't their strong suit. Oh well, see you next time, Jarritos."

Jordan: "I'm a fan of carbonation. I'm a fan of Mexico. I'm a fan of strawberries. This beverage sort of combines all these things in a totally adequate way."

Colin: "I have nothing to say to or about this beverage. It's terrifically pedestrian."

Ratings (out of 10)
Jordan: 6.91
Sawyer: 5.2
Colin: 4.85
Average: 5.653333333333.......

Goya - Cola Champagne

Ethnicity: Latin American

Ingredients:
Carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavor, fd&c yellow #6, fd&c yellow #5, citric acid.

Appearance:
Much like a Fanta orange soda, but clearer and more yellow in appearance. Bottle design is clean and modern. Unusually large pixels circumscribe the outside of the Goya logo. Smells like an orange creamsicle.

Taste:
Mix between an orange soda and a cream soda. Subtle dairy and honey notes. Finishes quickly, no aftertaste. Carbonation is softer than most sodas of this variety. Doesn't taste like any actual fruit.

Manufacturing Process:
Melt and carbonate a creamsicle, then water it down.

Final Thoughts:
Colin: "Sweet, but not particularly memorable. Sort of like a lot of people I know."

Jordan: "As I sip this truly refresco beverage, I find myself contemplating my own mortality, the true futility of existence. Such is the life of one who drinks Cola Champagne."

Sawyer: "Cola Champagne is a misnomer. This doesn't taste like cola nor champagne. Talk amongst yourselves"

Ratings (out of 10)
Jordan: 6.9
Sawyer: 5.4
Colin: 6.13
Average: 6.14333...

Malta Goya

Ethnicity: Latin American

Ingredients:
Brewed from water, pale malt, caramel malt, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, salt and hops.

Appearance:
The drink pours and looks like soy sauce and is almost completely opaque. The bottle design is very plain. Aroma is rich and reminiscent of oatmeal and eggs.

Taste:
Bitter but with an inappropriately sweet edge. Tastes of salt and iron. It reminds us of those times when you let your Crispix sit too long in the milk and the rice (dark brown) side tastes funny.

Manufacturing Process:
Design and implement a malt beverage which contains no alcohol and gives the drinker no reason whatsoever to consume it.

Final Thoughts:
Colin: "An horrific amalgamation of different breakfast-oriented foodstuffs. It's like a Denny's Grand Slam in a blender."

Jordan: "If you wish to peel the label off entirely you'll find it requiring an excessive amount of both time and energy. However, the beverage tastes so bad that you'll be able to finish peeling the label before you have fully consumed the beverage."

Sawyer: "I feel our judgement is premature. An immeasurable sort of depth and complexity characterizes Malta Goya. This drink is not for the faint of palate, its bold, grainy and hopsy notes are ostensibly sour, but continuing consumption is rewarded."

Ratings (out of 10)
Jordan: 1.1
Sawyer: 3.8
Colin: 5/8
Average: 1.84166666666666...

M-150 Energy Drink

Ethnicity: Thai

Ingredients: Water, Sucrose, Taurine, Inositol, Caffeine, Niacinamide, Pantathenol, Pyridoxine HCL, Riboflavin Phosphate Sodium, Artificial Flavor, Citric Acid, Caramel, Sodium Benzoate as Preservative.
Ingredients Commentary: Mostly B-vitamins, caffeine, and sugar. Nothing terribly out of the ordinary.

Appearance:
Disconcerting urine-like appearance. The smell of aspartame, gummi bears, and Red Bull is noticeable from several feet away. The can has a yellow sunburst package reminiscent of detergent, and the red sherriff's star boasts the motto "Devotion, Courage, Sacrifice." This is a serious drink. Though the ethnicity is Thai, due to the six-pointed red star we suspect a Chinese Jewish communist energy drink conspiracy afoot in Thailand, with long-reaching tendrils into the heartland of America.

Taste: Has a sickly sweet bite. It's not carbonated, but it tastes like it is. Tastes faintly of soap and violet, but mostly like an uncarbonated version of Red Bull.

Manufacturing Process: Open a can of Red Bull, let sit for several months in a greenhouse, then repackage.

Final Thoughts:
Sawyer - "I won't be buying any more M-150, but I won't let that discommode my unwavering patronage for the Thai soccer team."

Colin - "Devotion, Courage, and Sacrifice are not things I look for in a drink. Neither is whatever this stuff tastes like."

Jordan - "What are these pinko Jews up to?"

Ratings (out of 10)
Sawyer: 17/8ths
Jordan: 4.3
Colin: pi
Average: 3.1888642